Books & Video

WARNING: Anyone with access to your computer can track what internet sites you have visited by checking your web browser's cache or history functions. If you are a victim of domestic violence or stalking, or fear that your partner may be monitoring your behavior for any reason, it may be safer -- but not totally risk-free -- to access certain sites from a public library or other secure place that your partner can't access. Since current telephone technology also stores data about in-coming and out-going calls, please also remember to clear data after every call that might present a risk to your safety.

If you have the slightest concern for your safety, contact a local domestic violence program directly for information and support or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-SAFE      .

Books about Dealing with the Divorce Transition

One of the Best Books about Divorce
(with Dignity)

If I were just going to recommend one book about divorce, it would be Michele Lowrance's book, The Good Karma Divorce. Written by a judge who's presided over many acrimonious divorces and intuited a way to help people find a new approach that leaves them more capable and resourceful. This book will help you find a path through divorce that leaves you with your dignity and self-respect intact.

Other Books About Divorce that Help You
Understand the Emotional Aspects of Divorce and the Recovery Process

Diane Vaughan. Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. Vintage Books (Random House), New York, NY. 1990 (sociological research on the patterns of marital breakdown and establishment of individual identities that occurs before, during and after divorce.) It's not the most easy-to-read of the books about divorce because it's on the scholarly side, but it explains why the emotional impact of divorce seems so much more pronounced in the non-initiating partner.

Susan Anderson.
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. Berkley Books. New York, New York. 2000 (looks at the 5 stages men and women who were dumped by spouses or long-term partners go through in the healing process,)

Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble. Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On. New Horizon Press. Far Hills, New Jersey. 2007. (looks at both male and female narcissists and how narcissism impacts partners)

Albert J. Bernstein. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry. McGraw-Hill. New York, New York. 2001.

W. Keith Campbell. When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself. Sourcebooks, Inc. Naperville, Illinois. 2005. (the best book I've ever seen for women who can't figure out why their charming mates who appear to love them behave in ways so inconsistent with love.)

P. McKenna and H. Willbourn. How to Mend Your Broken Heart. Three Rivers Press. New York. 2003. (there's a section at pages 60 -63 that suggest a technique for falling out of love. Maybe it will work for you. It didn't work so well for me, but maybe I'm a slow learner.)

Helene Brenner. I Know I'm in There Somewhere: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner Voice and Living a Life of Authenticity. Gotham Books. New York. 2003. (Helpful for women who feel like they lost themselves in marriage.)

Bloomfield, Colgrove, and McWilliams. How to Survive the Loss of a Love.  Mary Books/Prelude Press. Algonac, Michigan. 1976. (Over 3 million copies in print. A classic!) It's a quick read, divided into dozens of one or two-page suggestions. Lots of people swear by it. I personally found it too simplistic, but hey, I'm a lawyer -- I'm all about complexities.

Elizabeth Lesser. Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.  Villard. New York. 2005.

Susan Forward and Craig Buck. Obsessive Love. Bantam Books. New York. 2002.

Debbie Ford. Spiritual Divorce.  Harper One. New York. 2001. (about learning the lessons your marriage had to teach.)

Learning to Accept Your Situation as It Is 
Byron Katie. Loving What Is. Three Rivers Press, New York. 2003. While it's not a book about divorce, this book can make a huge difference in your life. Katie teaches a technique for questioning the stories we tell ourselves about what's happening to us and people's motives in behaving as they do. If you're not a reader, watch the You-Tube videos showing her putting the technique into action with real people. I've linked some of them below.

Books About Healing Emotional Wounds
A. Lloyd and B. Johnson. The Healing Code. Grand Central Lifestyle/Hatchette Book Group. New York. 2010. (Dr. Loyd, a naturopathic physician, and Dr. Johnson, an M.D. teach a technique they claim can heal the source of emotional issues and physical ailments. Many people report great results.)

Pratt & Lambrou. Instant Emotional Healing: Acupressure for the Emotions. Broadway Books. New York. 2000 (some people report good results. The authors also have a book about self-hypnosis.)
Other Kinds of Books

Buddhist Theory and Practice

Pema Chȍdrȍn. The Places That Scare You.  Shambhala Classics.  Boston 2001

                       When Things Fall Apart. Shambhala Classics.  Boston 1997

                       Start Where You Are. Shambhala Classics.  Boston 2001

Chȍdrȍn is a Buddhist priest and wise woman who may help instruct you about other ways of being.

Schachter, Michael M.D. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Depression. Warner Wellness. New York. 2006.

Servan-Schreiber, David M.D. The Instinct to Heal: Curing Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Without Drugs and Without Talk Therapy. Rodale. 2003.

Williams, Teasdale, Segal and Kabat-Zinn. The Mindful Way Through Depression. Guilford Press. New York. 2007. (Includes a CD of guided meditations. Book features western approaches based on Eastern meditation practices.)

Infidelity Issues (including inter-generational patterns)
Ortman, Dennis PhD. Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder. Celestial Arts. Berkeley, California. 2009. (focuses on the trauma of spouses whose partner cheated on them and the healing process).

Glass, Shirley PhD.  Not "Just Friends" : Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity. Free Press. New York. 2003. (Some chapters assume the marriage will continue even after an affair; there's a chapter on healing alone, which assumes that the parties go their own ways after betrayal, either because the unfaithful party leaves the marriage or because the other party is unwilling to forgive.)
Nogales, Ana PhD. Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful. Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield, Florida. 2009. Looks at the generational effects of infidelity.